Firstly, its tidy white styling and universal marketing just ended up attracting the wrong type of fan.

The worst console of the current generation - blame women

I happily bought one of these machines on its release, having quite liked my gamecube for its Ocarina of Time/Majora’s Mask ports, Tales of Symphonia and Metal Gear Solid update, Twin Snakes. I expected similar from Nintendo’s latest foray into the home console market, purchasing Legend of Zelda:Twilight Princess along with the shiny white machine. A couple of months later and with Zelda clocked, I ventured to my favourite game store to find something new to play. There was quite a selection…of pet simulators and child sports games. Sure the “Wii Sports” you get free with your console keeps you entertained for 5 minutes or so but it’s hardly an epic title with amazing storyline and characters you remember for years to come. Basically, after a couple of minutes browsing it was plain to see there was little of interest. Sure there are Mario games but I’ve never been a fan of the franchise. Too many associations with horrible emos on myspace and their nintendo t-shirts with “retro” pac man belts that scream “I’m a gamer!!!” Vile.

I blame all this on women, and nintendo’s marketing. Everyone knows a certain type of male will flock to “girl gamers” like Jews flock to a sale, and females seem, in their desperation to be popular and liked, to have noticed this and started exploiting it. Rather than playing a real game like Left 4 Dead or Soul Calibur or something their tiny minds and fragile hands can’t usually stretch around they proclaim themselves avid gamers because GET THIS, they own (and enjoy!^__^!^__^!) a wii. Retarded shit you wouldn’t give to a half intelligent 3 year old, like Animal Crossing (wow, spend your time pulling up weeds and picking apples in a virtual world. If your mom told you to do this stuff in real life you’d tell her to stfu, so why put up with it in a game environment?) and a pet simulator for every animal imaginable fills the wii shelves due to the wii’s marketing towards “everyone”.

Where’s the stuff for people who actually like games and not shitty “interactive entertainment”? Decent multi platform titles would rather go swimming at school in giant yellow Y fronts than make an appearance on the wii. Where’s Fallout 3? Where’s Oblivion? GTA IV even? Nowhere, as Nintendo have abandoned real people for estrogen-riddled scum who’ll purchase anything with an animal slapped on the cover.

Faggots ruining gaming forever

Are these girls playing Okami, one of the only decent games on the system? No, they’re most probably playing “wii fit”, a horrible cynical attempt to feed on weak women’s (read: all women’s) body obsession and eating disorders.

Next time Nintendo, try and get some quality games on your machine. Don’t aim it at girls with their short attention spans and love of novelty shiny things. Don’t make it available in pink. If you want to do these things, as sure, it makes money just don’t call it a games console. Call it an interactive entertainment system. There are enough attention whores in this world without having people showing up on game forums claiming to be “girl gamers” to get their Amazon wishlists containing “Imagine! Babies” paid for them.

I’m much happier with my PS3. If I want to see cutesy animals I’ll go to the zoo, thanks.